By Jax Wahba
With your help, I’ve dusted off the old JDate profile – I’ve toned down the silly, updated my current events and tried to make it friendlier without sounding like an ad. Still want to tear it apart? Be my guest. This is, after all, a learning experience. Oh, and as for the pics…one project at a time, I’m a busy gal after all.
So here’s what I got:
Jacqueline Wahba (better known as Jax) hails from Brooklyn, NY, since the year of her birth. In between manicures and martinis you can find Jax writing about fashion, life and humor, hosting fundraising events, behind a camera or working on her never ending novel.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Jax, you are so perfect I would marry you if a) I wasnt already married and B) if I was into chicks…
u will have them lining the streets for ya!!
Guess I’m going to be the first to go again this time. The positive, it’s a definite improvement over the prior iteration. I noticed that you removed the “martini girl with the beer hobby” and the fact that you could make “anyone” laugh. You’ve also removed the huge laundry list that had some questionable harsh comments.
Your revised profile definitely takes a bit of the jaded / hard edge off of your profile and makes you appear more approachable. I also noticed that you kept the same photos, but changed the order around. I might still suggest a photo that contains you doing something other than just sitting there. You can use the picture to tell a bit more about who you are and what you enjoy. Also a more complete photo is usually recommended (preferably a full body shot).
One final comment — take out the “I’ve been called.” I know you’ve got spunk. Get rid of the passive tone — make a statement. Talk about yourself instead of telling it in the 3rd person.
But congrats, seriously, on a vastly improved profile.
Jax, Jax, Jax. High 5 girl! This is a HUGE improvement. There are a few things I’d tweak though. Mother, may I?
-Like Ross said, take out the “I’ve been called.” And in fact, remove all of the adjectives. Instead, think of examples. HOW are you quirky? If there is a specific endearing quality of two, let it shine. This will also show you are funny. Make sense?
-Be more specific about music/books/art even if it’s an ‘I love everything from so-and-so to so-and-so.” “Musically open-minded”?
-Remove the just ask bit at the end and the who really wants to read more. Leave it opened ended or close with something sassy. Everyone says that and you don’t want to fall into the ‘everyone’ category since you’re so fabulous.
-The length is great though so whatever you do, try to keep it around where it is now.
Also … photos, photos, photos. A few of these could be replaced. LOVE the awkward silence bit at the end!!
I think I’d say: “I’m a fashion and comedy writer who’s been called…” or split up the sentences or ad a semi-colon. Or just say you are.
I don’t like the word “standards”… there should be standards. Also, I think at some point fresh and new gives way to comfort and intimacy, so I would rephrase that… it just sounds like you’re not thinking long term.
This would be a great picture to add: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=153224&id=580889984 just mention hanging out with your nephew in things you like to do.
Thanks guys! I know, like I mentioned I havent gotten around to changing the pics but I will– once I take new ones I like
I also was thinking of adding that Im addicted to my new bootcamp class and running but I’d fear that someone would think I was a 90 lb athlete as opposed to the strong, and soon to be toned curvy chica… thoughts?
Then of course maybe eventually ill pay for access to get my email and IM people haha
I like it. I’d add your recent race pic with you in the pink. boys like pink.
Definitely add the bootcamp info! Paying for an account is key. If you don’t have access to all of the features, it is more of a challenge to be successful on the site.
I disagree with the comment above — keep the part about asking the reader to contact you if they want to know more. I loved that part… it’s funny (and true, that some people’s profiles are way too long), and it’s an invitation to click, for sure. I like when I see questions or invites like this on someone’s profile. Makes it sound like the person is really addressing me (especially if there is a specific question or call to action that speaks to me personally).